Another day breaks, and the last ones gone

"I was at my sister’s house for a birthday party. Everybody was cooking and helping out, I wasn’t doin’ shit. I was like the ‘p’ in receipt."

- Mitch Hedberg (via judgemyname)

"My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said “Mitch, don’t use liquor as a crutch.” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely fucks up the way I walk. It ain’t like a crutch, it’s like a step I didn’t see."

- Mitch Hedberg (via illbelightning)

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. ‘Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic.’ ‘Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis…’ one of those two doesn’t sound right."

- Mitch Hedberg (via clangandboomandsteam)

"One time I opened up a yogurt, and underneath the lid, it said, ‘Please try again.’ They were having a contest I was unaware of, but I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me? ‘C’mon, Mitch. Don’t give up. Please try again,’ a message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."

- Mitch Hedberg (via mae-sunshine)

"My fake plants died because I didn’t pretend to water them."

- Mitch Hedberg (via life-as-a-local)

"To destroy is always the first step in any creation."

- e. e. cummings (via woodlace)

(Source: terramantra, via feille)